I have started this post 100 times. Maybe I have even started it a thousand times if you count the times I have started it in my mind: I just can’t seem to get the words down.

This…….is taking me so long.

It has been 8 days now since my father passed away. Passed away…..That sounds so strange to say….8 days almost seems like a 8 hundred years and then again it seems like 8 seconds …I just can’t believe he is gone. I can’t believe I won’t talk to him again or see his smiling face. Losing him is such a great loss for all of us. I just don’t know how we are going to move forward…..But we will…Because we have too.

That is the way it is done.

There are so many things I want to tell you about him but I just can’t get my thoughts together enough to write them out:

Everyone should have known my father…….He left an impact on the world. He actually left it a better place. He was kind…..tough and loving. He was an incredible man.

HE WAS

He was an incredible father. I know, not many people have that……but we did.

And I…. am very GRATEFUL

The one thing I don’t ever want to forget is my father’s strong spirit.

He was our teacher right to the end.

As my father’s body grew weaker daily, his spirit grew stronger daily. As the changes came to his body: He never grow to like them…..He grew to accept them with Grace and dignity.

He was Gracious and Loving right to the end.

I had the chance to see my father everyday and these past months help with his care: Every day I would ask him how he was…….. Even on his weakest days he would say; “I’m good dear, very good. I really feel very good…… How are you?” I would tell him I was good. I was very good and in return he would say……Good Dear…that’s good.

Last Tuesday, I had the privilege of sitting with him alone and as I held his hand I asked him how he was. He whispered “Good…I am very Good.”

Then he said in a louder, stronger voice: “Alright, Alright I am coming……He looked at me and said, “I have to go Dear” ……..I told him I knew. I told him I loved him and then he settled down for a short while and then struggled to get up again.

Later that same day he said “Bye, Bye Dear” to my sister. He died early the next morning with his wife of 56 years and her devoted sister by his side.

…56 Years…

Tonight

My heart is so heavy. But, strangely enough it does not feel like it will explode out of my chest anymore…..The loss is greater then I could have ever imagined and the tears come unexpectedly and freely. I really don’t think that will change as we move forward and try this new life without him by our side. I am not sure how we are going to do this thing but I know we will.

And I know It will be Good…..It will be very Good because he his given us the strength, courage and so many gifts along the way to make it good; To make it very good….

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13 thoughts on “I am Good Dear….I am very Good

  1. Lisa, thank you for visiting my blog. You are "Uncle Bill's" daughter!! I grew to love him over the months Jen has described him so eloquently! I think because it was as if she was describing my own Dad who also had an "open heart, open home" life style…and so I came to love hearing about your dear Dad.I love Jen's blog, her family and those darling kiddos! I am brought to laughter, tears, and cheers through her words. Thank you for telling me how you arrived at my blog. That is always a mystery to me how some people arrive.I have just discovered Elisabeth Mahlou's blog as she left me a comment last week. I was enthralled with her conversion experience and am now hopelessly enjoying yet another blog. I plan to order her book, as I know it will be a hard, but rewarding read.I also see that you follow Meridith, the writer. She is also one of my favorite blogs. She just lives across the river from me, but I have yet to meet her, altho, a couple of months ago, I found out, through conversation with my neighbor, that they are married to brothers!!So it is a small world and this cyber space brings us closer still in so many way.You are just beginning your journey with grief and it won't be easy, but don't fight it. My Dad has been gone for 32 years and I sometime still feel overwhelmed with the hole it left in our lives. As with all things, time is a great healer, but never do we want our memories of these dear, precious parents of ours to leave our hearts. Enjoy your memories, savor them, rejoice in them and be thankful you had such a marvelous father, whom I am sure adored you also!Blessings on you as you enter this time in your life.

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  2. Lisa, I am crying…your writing is so beautiful…and it is so very good! You have painted a wonderful picture of your amazing dad. You are continually in my prayers. I love you. ~Janine XOP.S. Please don't visit my blog…it is sniffley this week, and I don't want you to read it right now. But I did want to read your blog, and let you know my heart is with you.

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  3. This is such a beautiful heart felt post. It brought me to tears. You are so blessed to have had such a wonderful father and family. Your love shows in your writing. I am truly sorry about his passing.

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  4. Oh! Lisa! I am so sorry to read this. I have followed your blog for a while now. This brings me great sadness. I didn't realize your dad was this sick. My prayers go out to you and your family. Beautiful Post!

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  5. Oh Lisa…..I don't know what to say except how VERY sorry I am that you lost your dear, dear father. I could feel your heart in every word. I am SO glad he was a good man….like you say, those can be hard to find sometimes and his blessings to you will affect generations. I'm glad he has gone to be with the Lord.I pray God's comfort for you all as you walk through this time of mourning. My heart goes out to you.

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  6. Your Dad was so proud of all of you. The loving care you gave to him in the last few months, meant the world to him. I am sure he could have left sooner, but he wanted to take in all that love. His generous, kind, spirit will never leave you and you will carry that on to your children. He did not want a "crying room" and you all made sure that you were truly present with him. You have all done an outstanding job in releasing his phsyical body, but his spirit will be with you always.Auntie

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