Mom and Margaret
maybe you should not read this one
So this is it….The big birthday week. And we are all trying really hard thinking of ways we can make IT stay away…..but we know we can’t.
Margaret’s birthday is Tuesday and then……my father’s birthday will be Wednesday……Ash Wednesday…… and we have to do it without him.
I keep telling myself we should celebrate. It was so wonderful having him here with us. He truly left the world a better place. Life and Love should always be celebrated.
And then I cry.
And then I think we should celebrate Margaret’s birthday even though she doesn’t want to. I can hear our father saying……”You have to celebrate. It is better then the alternative.” And I laugh and I wonder…Does he still think that……I can also hear him say; “Of course you will celebrate. I am so glad she is there with you.”….and then I think….. I am glad she is here too and then I cry.
We all cry…….separately.
It has been a very hard month for all of us.
I haven’t posted much at all this month just because I really don’t know what to do. I have been dreading this whole week. I have been holding my breath all month not wanting to think about it at all.
So NOW….IT is coming and I sit here………. thinking.
Should I post his picture on Black and White Wednesday? After all it is his birthday and I really like playing that game….. Do I post a picture of him and Margaret? After all we always celebrate their birthdays together……Or do I do nothing?
I just don’t know what to do,
But I do know I miss him.
I miss him being excited about life……..and because today is Valentines Day and he always made it special for our mother. I miss him being excited because James in now at a University and Matthew made the Dean’s list at the community college and he is still in high school. I miss hearing his “WOW”.
I miss him being excited because Stephen is such a do-er and being so very pleased because Steve “did it” just the way he would of. I miss hearing him call all the girls “Dear” and everyone of those girls…..young or old….whether they knew him or not..… thought they WERE his one and only very special DEAR…….. I just miss so much about him.
AND It just doesn’t feel right going into the week not acknowledging the fact February 16 is Margaret’s birthday and February 17 is his.
Please don’t forget to Ask Congress to support the Lung Cancer Mortality Reduction Act of 2009….It really is very, very important. It could save your life or someone you love.