Ever Hear These???

* Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the street and said, “Lady, I haven’t eaten in three days.” “Force yourself,” she replied.

* The Doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn’t pay his bill so the doctor gave him another six months.

* Doctor: “You’ll live to be 60!” Patient: “I am 60!”  Doctor: “See! What did I tell you?  That’ll be 60 dollars”

* A drunk was in front of a judge.  The judge says, “You’ve been brought here for drinking.”  The drunk says “Okay, let’s get started.”

* The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, “Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. ” Mrs. Cohen answered, “So did my arthritis!”

* A man calls his mother in Florida,”Mom, how are you?”  ” Not too good,” says the mother. “I’ve been very weak.”  The son says, “Why are you so weak?” She replies, “Because I haven’t eaten in 38 Days.”  The son says, “That’s terrible. Why haven’t you eaten in 38 days?”  The mother answers, “Because I didn’t want my mouth to be filled with food should you call.”

* How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?  (Sigh) “Don’t bother. I’ll sit in the dark.  I don’t want to be a nuisance to anybody.”