Skin is not always good

Okay, it is the middle of swimsuit season and it was time to find my 12 year old daughter a new one.

Planning very carefully as I often do …I waited until the last minute to jump in the car and run to Target. It was 8 PM when we got there and Kathryn had a pool party to host at my mothers house the very next day.

I figured, like always, how hard could it be???

Target has suits. I have seen them and she could not have grown that much in a year. The old suit still fits her…kind of……okay granted it is a bit baggy, saggy and worn but……..It still fits….Well ….the elastic is going but who’s looking that close?

We have only been swimming at Nana’s…..

As we walk into the store, Kathryn and I went right over to the girls department and I throw 12 maybe 16 suits into the cart and say; “let’s try these ….Yes, all of them. It will be fun.” She gives me this look of disbelief and says, “Mom, I don’t think it will take this many.” I tell her to just “get in there. We have to hurry. I am not sure what time this store closes.”

She tries the first couple on and I realize….We have moved out of the girls department. We have moved up into the Teens. My baby girl is growing up. I tell her to get dressed, we will run over to the teen department and find something there.

As I stood there looking at the suits, I looked around in disbelief and think “Oh Oooo……..this is not good.

There was NOTHING “for us” to choose from………There where one piece bathing suits with plunging necklines, sides cute out, slits at the legs up to the neck line and cleavage…boy did we see cleavage!…..There where bikinis held together with jewelry, string, ties and more cleavage….for teen girls.

Did I say Teen girls?

Yeah, I think I did.

Uggg! I think to myself…….The buyer for this store must hate girls.

Kathryn looked at me with tears in her eyes and said. “Now what Mom?” I don’t want to wear these. I don’t like these. Can I try on more of what we have???

She wanted something she could play in……NOT something to pick up a husband in. I told her to give the other suits a shot and maybe we would come up with something.

I thought

And I thought

And I thought

I went back to the dressing room asked the attendant what time they closed ~ found out with relief it was 10:30

Yay!!

Checked on Kathryn again ~ This time as she opened the door to show me the one suit she said ………… In her words……”fits perfectly….lets get this one.” Only if she rounds her shoulders, sucks in her stomach so much it is hard to talk and stands in the shape of a “C” would it fit…… It was great!

I had to think of something or she was going to be wearing the saggy, baggy suit or worse sitting on the side of the pool not swimming at her party.

I could NOT have that.

I walked the store ………….right past the workout clothes.

I thought maybe….just maybe this might work. Some of the workout tops now are made from the same material as bath suits. Maybe we could use one of those.

I went back to the teen department, found a very cute bathing suit bottom…that matched a very unacceptable and uncomfortable looking, for a growing young woman, top. I headed back over the workout department. I found a long black workout top trimmed in white to match the very cute black and white checked bottoms I held in my hand.

Hoping it would work……..I handed it all to my very unhappy and worried preteen daughter and told her to try it on.

She looked at me and declared……….”This is a workout top! I can’t wear this!”

“Just try it.” I told her…. “It is this or nothing……”

Un-happily……She did it.

Everything fit……….She was adorable.

Yay! ME!!

On the way out ~ I got a big….”Your so smart Mom……Thank you!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The party was a success. All the girls had a wonderful time……..As I looked around most of the girls wore T-shirts or kept towels over their bathing suits. I also found out the other moms ran into this same problem.

I remember being this age and being very uncomfortable about all the changes my body was going through. I have talked to several mothers and we all feel the same way. Are there any clothes designers out there that cares about the safety and the safe mental health of our children?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now, here is the question………WHAT??? Are these buyers and clothes designers thinking?

We ,girls and mothers, are having a very difficult time finding age appropriate clothing for our daughters………. never mind bathing suits.

Now, here is my statement…..WHAT???

These are little girls and young woman. These young girls are in training for womanhood not prostitution. They want to learn and play….They want to play safe without being worried about who is looking at them and what they are showing. They want to play with other children, with their pets, ride bikes and read books on hot summer days. The girls I know……..really DO NOT want to dress sexy. They want to dress pretty. They are not even used to the idea of a changing body….never mind show it off.

If we as mothers put sexy clothing on our daughters………What are we saying to them??? What are we saying to our sons? We want our young men to think of woman …. all woman…… as smart, vital beings. We want them to think of woman as the fabric of society, as respectable and reliable vital people.

We want our girls to think of themselves in the same way and as so much more……….Why are we accepting being forced to dress our children Sexy?

It seems to me…….If we as mothers put clothing held together with strings, jewels or anything other then dignity on our 12 year old daughters ….What is okay for them wear at 16?

What is an acceptable way for our boys to respond to all this skin? …..There are many confusing and mixed messages out there today for all our children.

I keep telling my kids…………..”Skin is not always good.” ……

Over Protective…Right or Wrong?

Why is it in our society that Mother’s are criticized when they are over protective?

My cousin has brought up this very same question on her blog……..http://www.theamazingtrips.com/ She made a decision about guns and her children and now it seems she feels the need to defend her “over protectiveness”.

This got me thinking……….What’s wrong here? What happened?

I, for one, am the NUMBER one over protective mother and I will not apologize for this. I am often criticized for the protective decisions I have made and make. For example; I not only home school, spend the night rarely happens in this house, we have never had a Bratz doll and I do not allow certain clothing for Barbie.

After shopping for dolls one year for Christmas I made a conscious decision to buy only American Girl Dolls for Kathryn. These dolls are all clothed according to time periods; they come with history books and moral lessons. And again more protectiveness on my part; I will not leave my 2 year old daughter home alone with her soon to be (gasp, gulp and sigh) 17 year old brother.

My son is very capable of baby sitting………However, I don’t want him too. I don’t want him to have to change her diaper. I do not want him to have to give her a bath. This is not because I don’t trust my son…..I do….I trust him very much…this decision was made simply because; I do not want to put him and my very young daughter in a position that he or she should not be in.

In my eyes, things happen in the best of families. I want to do my best to keep these things from happening. I see this as protecting both parties. I do not want her comfortable around the boys without clothes on and vice versa. None of my older children have ever changed the diaper of their little sister. None of them have even given her a bath. I never leave more then 2 kids home alone at a time. I look it all as I am their mother, they are the siblings. They do help but it is our job, as the parents, to do most of the work raising Mary Elizabeth.

As I have been struggling to get back to sleep tonight I watched a little TV. I watched a few minutes of Moray or one of those shows. It was about whose child is this or I’m not the dad or something stupid like that. I found myself deeply saddened ……looking at the beautiful innocent faces while the father of the children called their mother terrible names. Saying he was not the father, they don’t look like him or act like him and on and on……….Well, he was. As I turned the TV off I saw him saying to the mother of his children “I’m sorry baby.”

WHAT?

I was so sad for these children. Who is protecting the innocent? Who’s watching the store?

Why has our culture come to except such behavior and even worse find it all entertaining?

This made me think of another experience I had today;

I had the chance to see a mare and her new born foal. As my mother, daughters and I walked closer, the mother became nerves……she became over protective. She walked her baby behind the barn out of our site where she felt her baby was safe. She didn’t like us being there. She didn’t like me taking pictures. Maybe she didn’t like the language……..Who knows. She nervously took her baby out of the situation. Just like a good mother should.

Why do “we” find the need to apologize if one parent wants to home school and the other one does not like guns? Why are we all so offended because other GREAT mothers don’t like that show or they really worry if their kids are playing with those kids or like me are anti-spend the nighters, very picky about my daughters clothing, watch very carefully who any of my children find themselves friends with, and scared to death of my teenager driver? Why do we have to expose and throw them to the wolf because “they are going to see it one day anyway?” When has everything in our society become okay?

I am often called a prude, over protective, and laughed at for being the way I am…………I really don’t care.
My thoughts are more along the line of this Mare………..protect and shelter……..and don’t apologize. I just think it is our job as parents.